Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
