I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
