Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
