just tell him i said nine months
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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