No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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