maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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