I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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