So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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