I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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