I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
