I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
