yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
