I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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