I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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