did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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