She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
