ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
false alarm, still single
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