it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
