Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
