I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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