I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
