my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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