when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he shaved USA in his pubs
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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