Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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