life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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