I've blown a few things in my day
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
