There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
