I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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