Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You are a genius and a whore.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
