sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
