He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
