so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
