I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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