I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
