Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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