I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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