just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
