I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
FUCK WHALES
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
