You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
