hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
