I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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