just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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