That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I currently don't understand fingers.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
