mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
