Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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