Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
splinters make it hard to masturbate
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
