I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
