she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
