Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
