two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
