She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
