just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
