He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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