Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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