i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All the doctor said was why
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
