im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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