people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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