i already hear my dad disowning me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
