literally had 100 drinks last night.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
